I might more accurately title this post, “My Aversion to Social Conformity”, or perhaps, “Drone Living: Resistance is Futile, Unless You Can Think For Yourself”… I digress.
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I have been reading a book lately that I want to begin to dissect over the next couple of months. I have found it articulate and eloquent, as well as bold and so full of clarity that I can hardly contain myself. It is rare that I find an author who has effectively summed up my own thoughts, and put them into print. It is rare I don’t disagree with, or at least hesitate to be in accord with something that is said… and this entire publication has sat well with me. I will reread and address thoughts here for our purposes and perhaps find something I don’t agree with, but I have my doubts. Something rare indeed.
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The following blog post struck me. I remember the feelings communicated here with disdain and pain. The shame that is heaped upon our children in school and by school officials and the environment as a whole still holds its effect on me. I can’t take Lily to the elementary school playground to play without my stomach sitting in a knot. I look around and am immediately transported back to my years on that damn playground (multiple for me) where I first tasted isolation and rejection, repeatedly.
Russ seems to have a more positive recollection of his early elementary years, but I suspect he was fortunate enough to have a ‘best friend’ (and this I happen to know) and an environment where his natural easiness fit. This same positive situation however did not follow him into the years after elementary, and he suffered tremendously. Neither he nor I had an interest in being involved with the school and students much after about the age of 12 (for me, honestly, ever). We both opposed the environments and we know why now. We were too young and too influenced by expectations of parents and other adults at the time to have effectively articulated our experiences and aversions to them. But the interesting thing to me is that he and I both refused eventually, in our unique ways. We both reached a point, at about the same age, where we’d had enough and the pressure from parents/society/law enforcement/church/etc., didn’t matter anymore.
Funny how now, with way more life experience than I think either of us might have hoped to have by now, and not once choosing to follow suit and do things the way we were “supposed to”, we sit in a position to articulate very directly, speak and share with others deeply, and make a very simple choice to prevent the same harm that shaped us to come to our next generation. We have the privilege of giving our next generation an environment defined by honoring their childhood, respecting the value of their existence as equal from the moment they join our world, and allowing them to learn in exactly whatever way, with whatever interests suits each one of them best. Imagine the freedom of having a childhood that didn’t look like the most dismal of adult life. I wonder what that might do for changing the future of what that individual’s adult life might look like??
So while friends go on and on about the struggles of the schools, the school system, the poorly paid teachers and the teachers who have lost vision and the ability to inspire learning, Russ and I sit in our front yard, swinging with our Bug on her really awesome tree swing, discussing concepts in depth and to a level/degree that holds both the adult’s attention and the child’s. And I know, she will never have to suffer the pain felt physically because of the emotional situation she’s forced to endure at an age premature for her mental development. I know that she is confident, capable, courageous, and safe. She accepts herself. She doesn’t need others to accept or approve of her. She is so loved, and she returns it fully. And she is with us, not stuck in a school where we miss her life, and she has to fend for herself and feel the abandonment, or desperate feeling of being on her own before she’s ready.
– She never has to fend for herself, unless she chooses it.
– She never has to feel alone, but she often chooses time to be by herself, independently exploring her imagination.
– She never has to face something that she fears, something that scares her alone. She is safe and secure, and knows we’re there to help her experience what scares her in a way that she can process it without having to form coping mechanisms before her mind is ready. This results in her courage and confidence developing by leaps and bounds, and it isn’t artificial like I’ve seen in so many children (and adults).
– She will spend her childhood exploring and discovering, and the learning will simply be present and experienced. She will emerge into her adult life with the knowledge and confidence to do exactly what she wishes to do at that given time, and spend her days providing for her life by utilizing her knowledge and interests, instead of finding a job and waiting for a paycheck. Now if only we could figure out how to pull our own heads into alignment and provide the exact same for us. If we’d had more courage at a younger age, especially if it had been when we had the cushion of a parent providing for our survival, how different things would be today, eh Russ?? But that’s ok, we are young and capable and now it’s a matter of choice as to what we do with our time and days. Life doesn’t own us anymore. It’s a slow process of transformation however.
So with that, here is the article that spurred all my commentary. 🙂
Source – http://www.unschoolingblog.com/?p=236
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I’m taking a break from my posting series to talk about a really disturbing story I read the other day. Unfortunately, it’s not the first of its kind, nor will it be the last as long as our educational system has its priorities upside down.
The story, which you can read here, is about a 6-year old kindergarten child who was not allowed to use the restroom during standardized testing (yes, there is standardized testing in kindergarten). So, in the middle of testing, the little girl, who was suffering from diarrhea, had no choice than to use the bathroom in her pants. Not only did she experience that embarrassment, but was then further humiliated by being made to SIT in it for the remainder of the test (about 15 minutes). It was only after that time that her mother was called, who then had to drive 20 minutes to the school. During this entire time, the little girl was never cleaned up. When her mother arrived, she was horrified to find her daughter sitting in poop, which was coming up out of her pants, and wrapped around her waist with a garbage bag. I believe this experience will be a defining one in this little girl’s life. She had to be traumatized and humiliated. She will never forget that day, especially if the other kids choose to remind her.
In what world is it okay to treat any human being this way? Why would something as asinine as a standardized test come before the dignity and bodily needs of our youngest children? Of course, the superintendent ”wishes the school had handled it differently,” but the problem lies in our basic assumptions about children and education.
First, the teacher was being such a stickler for the rules because she was “preparing” the kids for the 3rd grade standardized tests, when they would not be allowed to use the bathroom during the test. This logic is baffling to me. They won’t be allowed to in three years, so we must prepare them now by using the same rules? In fact, a lot of the decisions made in school are based on this type of logic. “You won’t be able to wear pajamas to work when you’re an adult, so you can’t wear them to school,” or “You won’t be able to play outside all day when you grow up, so you can’t do it now.” It seems to me, the opposite should be true: this is their chance to wear pajamas out and to play all day. They’re kids. You don’t have to prepare someone for something restrictive by being restrictive. In fact, you should give them their freedom. If you knew you’d be going on a fast, wouldn’t you prepare by eating a lot of good food? Or, would you prepare by fasting? If you were going to go to jail, would you prepare by keeping yourself in your room all day?
Second, these rules, no matter what age, are an example of how our educational culture continues to place testing and assessment over the actual learning and needs of the individual child in the classroom. Because of a fear of cheating on a test, which would thereby make the results of the test invalid, our children are confined to their desks for a long period of time. But, most educators would agree, this test measures very little in the first place. The results can change depending the kind of day the students are having, the weather outside, whether they ate breakfast or not, etc. Yet our system places the outside chance of a child cheating on a test that measures very little over their basic human needs.
Of course, test time is not the only time that kids are restricted when it comes to bodily functions. They have to ask permission to drink water, go to a nurse, and use the restroom. Think about that. As an adult, what if your boss made you ask permission to the use the restroom? Not only that, but you had to ask in front of 30 of your peers, so that everyone knew what you were about to do. Furthermore, your boss may even tell you “no” and you would have to sit back down, with everyone around you knowing that you were holding your bladder. Can you imagine working there? And, can you imagine trying to get your work done while having to pee but not being allowed? If an office like that existed, I would bet they wouldn’t keep their employees long, and the ones they had would hate it, feel resentful and frustrated, have low morale, and would not be very productive. And the employer would probably face lawsuits with those types of policies. But, if we do it to children, it’s okay.